Politics chat: Trump Administration Fantasy Draft

By: Rich W. Sharp, Alejandro Gómez del Moral, Valerie Hunt, James Stout, Brian Werth, Kate Zimmerman, & Patrick Zimmerman

Hey folks, welcome to the Principally Uncertain politics slack chat!  This week, in keeping with the season, we’re going to treat politics with the respect and reverence it deserves: by treating it as a sport, just with consequences.

That’s right. It’s Trump Administration Fantasy Draft time!

Draft order Team Name Team Owner Owner bio
1 Oh, heil NO! Kate Zimmerman (@kate) Data Science, SmugMug
2 Teetotalitarian Brian Werth (@bwerthrx) Pharmacy
3 Proxymorons Valerie Hunt (@dr.awesome) Applied Behavioral Science, Seattle Central College
4 Trumpettes James Stout (@jamesisntstout) History, San Diego Co. CC
5 Trumpster Fire Richard W. Sharp (@rsharp) Data Science. Applied Math, Principally Uncertain
6 Banana Republicans Patrick W. Zimmerman (@pzed) History, Editor, Principally Uncertain
7 Putin on the Ritz Alejandro Gómez del Moral (@cheetolini) History, Univ. of Southern Mississippi


In a hurry? Jump straight to the draft results!

Note: The transcript below has been edited for length and in a (possibly fruitless) search for coherent and logical thought.



pzed – This week, in commemoration of that most wildly popular yet ethically sketchy of sports leagues starting up again, will take the form of a fantasy football draft. The main question we’re trying to get at is…. Who’s likely to stay in this administration, and who’s a candidate to either jump ship or get tossed overboard (or both)?

Da Rulez:

  • Each player will get five draft picks to use to assemble the most Trumpian team possible. Your goal is to have NONE of your picks quit, resign, get fired, or leave the administration through any other means before the end of El Presidente’s reign (through vanilla or exciting means).
    • Note: Trump himself is not draftable. Given that the game ends when he leaves office (however that happens), he is the context of the game, not part of it.
  • Last person with a fully intact team wins.
  • Name Title
    Alexander Acosta Sec. Labor
    Ben Carson Sec. HUD
    Elaine Chao Sec. Transportation
    Jay Clayton Chair SEC
    Dan Coats Dir. National Security
    Gary Cohn Dir. National Economic Council
    Kellyanne Conway Sr. Counselor
    Betsy DeVos Sec. Education
    Elaine Duke Sec. Homeland Security (Acting)
    Nikki Haley UN Ambassador
    Hope Hicks Dir. Strategic Communications / Dir. Communications (Interim)
    John F. Kelly Chief of Staff
    Jared Kushner Sr. Advisor on Strategic Planning
    Robert Lighthizer US Trade Representative
    James Mattis Sec. Defense
    Linda McMahon Small Business Admin.
    HR McMaster National Security Advisor
    Stephen Miller Sr. Advisor on Policy
    Steven Mnuchin Sec. Treasury
    Robert Mueller Special Counsel
    Mick Mulvaney Dir. Office of Management & Budget
    Mike Pence Vice President
    Sonny Perdue Sec. Agriculture
    Rick Perry Sec. Energy
    Mike Pompeo Dir. CIA
    Dina Powell Sr. Conselor for Economic Initiatives
    Tom Price Sec. Health & Human Services
    Scptt Pruitt EPA Admin
    Rod Rosenstein Deputy Attorney General
    Wilbur Ross Sec. Commerce
    Sarah Huckabee Sanders Press Sec.
    Jeff Sessions Attorney General
    David Shulkin Sec. VA
    Rex Tillerson Sec. State
    Ivanka Trump Advisor
    Christopher Wray Dir. FBI
    Ryan Zinke Sec. Interior

dr.awesome@pzed is eeriely close to referring to “president ed.” are you attempting to use us to stage a coup? I’m on to you, “prez” ed!

pzed – @dr.awesome, it’s simply that pZee is less intimidating. Zed has that Bond Villain caché.
Ok @kate is up first when she gets a chance. With the #1 overall pick….

kate – My #1 overall pick: Mike Pence.

pzed – OOOOOOOOOOOO! Pence is off the board!

bwerthrx – damn.

kate – Pence cannot be fired by Trump, so that removes one huge variable. It is possible that he could be impeached before Trump, but his name hasn’t come up much in relationship to the investigation. That leaves resignation & death.

pzed – He’s been working awful hard to keep his very holy hands clean. Looks like @kate thinks he’s done a good enough job to distance himself from the mess should the house of cards come crashing down.

kate – I think Pence has distanced himself enough that he won’t get impeached *before* Trump is impeached/leaves office, and of course, once Trump leaves office, the game is over.

pzed – So, basically, someone read the instructions to the game. Good. Good.
@bwerthrx you’re up next with pick 2 whenever you’re in.

Mike Pence
He’s #1! Photo credit: Gage Skidmore.

bwerthrx – Pressure is on! I think i gotta go with Elaine Chao.

pzed – Staying out of the news = survivability?

bwerthrx – Yes. That coupled with actual experience. And transportation is not such a hot polarizing area.

pzed – Valid points, though transportation could become one if, say, the infrastructure bill focused on it and got blocked for some reason.
I’m going to disagree with that pick for 1 reason, that has nothing to do with her: I could see a scenario in which she’s canned as a punitive measure because Trump’s really pissed at McConnell. Of course, there’s also a scenario where Trump needs McConnell and she’s the last woman standing because it’s the way he avoids getting impeached.

bwerthrx – Yeah that did occur to me but im ready to roll those dice. No one is safe.

pzed – And that pretty much sums up the Trump Administration in one phrase: Who’s safe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Chances of someone losing this fantasy league before we even finish drafting >0%.

dr.awesome – I wanted Chao. :frowning:

jamesisntstout – The overall question seems to be “is anonymity better than proximity?”

pzed – @jamesisntstout yup. Pretty much. Related, “is anonymity something that you can control?”

bwerthrx – Rod Rosenstein just became an even more solid pick yesterday :wink:… I think you should pick him, @dr.awesome.

dr.awesomeJay Clayton. He’s got a pretty mouth. Also, as SEC jefe, he will be protected by the powers that guard the lie that is neoliberalism. Same with Cohn.

pzed – And he’s not mouthing off at the boss, unlike Cohn.

dr.awesomeVerdad. Why isn’t winnie the pooh on this list?

pzed – Because Pooh Bears are still protected by the Endangered Species Act of 1973. Pruitt hasn’t gotten around to the animals yet. Still working on the nasty problem of people objecting to disappearing public lands.

bwerthrx – I’m not so sure about pooh bears being protected, remember HJ Res 69 that overturned the Obama era ban on hunting hibernating bears and hunting wolves n shit from aircraft Sarah Palin style?

pzed – Oooo. Good point. How about Tiggers?

bwerthrx – I would assume that they are also fair game. Also, they seem foreign so they better have documentation.

dr.awesome – Nope, the wonderful thing about Tiggers is that I’m the only one. I gots papers.

pzed – I mean, really, is anyone safe from the Donald?

jamesisntstout – Hmmm so many choices. I’m thinking I’m going to smack down my chips on Linda McMahon.
She seems in favour right now and I’m guessing she’ll benefit from a hurricane bump . She’s not given to scandal it seems . I looked and there’s very little coverage of her since January.

pzed – So you went with “both” in your “anonymous or close” spectrum.

jamesisntstout – I see everyone agrees with the vanity fair line on his family.

pzed – I don’t know. Kind of surprised Ivanka hasn’t gone yet. Don Jr. and Eric aren’t technically part of the administration, just hangers-on.

rsharp – Could be risky, but I’m taking Mike Pompeo.
Should be safe from firing as “the president’s ardent ally.” But recall rule 2 for aspiring autocrats.

pzed – Keep the spies happy.

rsharp – It applies to all the spies. Not just the boss.

pzed – With the 5th pick in the 1st round, the Banana Republicans will pick…. Rick Perry, Secretary of Energy.
Perry has a significant outside support base, is in a position that is critical to Trump’s rah-rah American Energy push, and has stayed out of the news. He’s influential, pursuing the president’s agenda, and yet not stealing his spotlight.

Rick Perry
Eeeeeeexxxcellllennnntttt! Photo credit: Michael Vadon.

kate@pzed wow! You veered away from Ivanka after all! I thought you considered her safe?

pzed – Your argument proposing a hypothetical “I’m retiring to spend more time with my business/family” press conference seems too likely to make her a first round pick to me @kate. She’s pretty much firing-proof, but might go on her own. Particularly if something happens to Kushner. Basically, @kate basically talked me out of Ivanka. There are myriad arguments but the one that kept me thinking was “what if Kushner gets arrested”? I decided my “family Trumps all” guideline didn’t apply to Kushner in the same way it did to Ivanka. And they’re basically linked. Couldn’t see her staying if he left.
So if I win because she leaves and takes out someone else’s team, remember, it’s your fault. 🙂

jamesisntstout – I’m buying that. She’s shown that she doesn’t wholly agree with him and the “I’m retiring to sell more shoes” line is so easy. Plus Kelly seems not to be a fan.

pzed – Heh, we’ll see how long Kelly lasts. I know that if it came down to family v. the generals, I’m pretty sure which faction I’d have my money on.

jamesisntstout – Kelly will light that shit up if he gets kicked out.

pzed – I’m not sure Kelly is quite as dangerous on the outside as, say, a pissed-off Bannon can be @jamesisntstout. My impression is of a guy who would take his tanks and toys and go home. Who’s left who might be dangerous on the outside? Possibly Conway (for badmouthing the administration reasons), Kushner (for turning state’s evidence reasons), or Sessions (for both).

cheetolini – Well, you know what? I’m pouncing on your waffling and calling Ivanka. Also Mnuchin, because he’s a plutocrat like Trump, and I have a suspicion that unless things get really, really dicey, he’s going to stay in. Nothing Trump likes more than money, and Mnuchin is very much part of the cadre that’s going to serve their shared interests.

Steven Mnuchin
Steve! Look out behind you! Photo credit: Mike Pence.

pzed – Boom and Boom. DAMMIT COLLACIU, you totally took my 2nd rounder. Well, well, well. Now what? Maybe I’ll lean on the “anonymous” side of @jamesisntstout’s spectrum.
With my 2nd rounder, I’ll take…….Sonny Perdue, Secretary of Agriculture and former Georgia Governor. I went back and forth between anonymous and not. Pretty sure the other person who I was considering isn’t going to be around in another 10 picks.

kate – Of course, now I’m wishing I hadn’t talked you out of Ivanka! :stuck_out_tongue:

bwerthrx – I dunno, I can imagine an Ivanka departure quite easily. Although for the reasons above I think Mnuchin is a pretty solid pick.

pzed – Yeah, Mnuchin is a very solid pick from the “yes-men” category @cheetolini. In the spotlight, but not that much, and always supporting the Big Man. I third @bwerthrx.

rsharp – Ok, let’s go with Ben Carson and the mostly harmless theory (as viewed from the Eagles Nest). Plus, he’s not yet mixed up with Russia.

pzed – I’m a little worried about him wandering off and literally getting lost for 3 months. Meanwhile, he gets replaced by someone.

rsharp – He might disappear, but would he really get scribed or taken off the books? I bet nobody would notice for quite some time.

kate – But doesn’t the Trump administration ultimately want to dismantle the government bureaucracy? If he wanders off, they’d definitely want to keep him on the list… for that very reason!

pzed – Hah. Fair point. I know Bannon wants to, and Trump’s been parroting that excuse for not filling the posts.

Not sure I really buy that he’s a true believer in Small Gov’t, though.

jamesisntstout – Small ? I assure you, there’s no problem.

pzed – I’m honestly surprised we went a whole round and a half without a tiny hands joke.

jamesisntstout – I’ve let you down. :shame:

pzed – Or made me proud. Or both. :conflicted:

rsharp – Correction: Bannon wantED to shrink the gov’t, @pzed.

pzed – Heh. Point NOTED.

jamesisntstout – I’ll take Nikki Haley. She seems to be his only hope on foreign policy given the rift with old Rex.

pzed – Annnnddd that was the person who I was certain wouldn’t make it all the way back around to me @jamesisntstout. Nice pick.

Nikki Haley
Trump’s kind of gal? Photo credit: Public domain.

dr.awesomeBetsy Honey Badger DeVos.
She does not give a shit. She does takes what she wants. She has no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Nothing can stop the Honey Badger when she’s hungry.

pzed – Only 5 women left, interestingly enough. Cabinet full of dudes and we’re snapping up all the ladies. 5/10 already picked. Of the 25 people left on the board, only 5 women (Kellyanne Conway, Dina Powell, Elaine Duke, Hope Hicks, Sarah Huckabee Sanders).

jamesisntstout – You will notice the Trumpettes are all women thus far.

pzed – I did notice that. And two good picks. I’m having buyer’s remorse on not picking Haley at this point. Only reason I didn’t pull the trigger was the chance of a miscommunication between her and the White House leading to different messages and Trump looking bad on, say, something to do with North Korea.

dr.awesome – Yes. Nikki was my next up. Beware dina-saur.

bwerthrx – This is a tough one for me and I have a few all sort of ranked similarly here but I think i am going to continue the theme of “trumpettes” and my theme of out of the spotlight competence and go with Dina Powell.
Even if Ivanka goes I think that their relationship will help secure her position. She cut her teeth in the bush administration i think, and has respect of the national security folks and as far as i can tell has pretty legit bona fides. additionally she is attractive, token female, token arabic speaker.

pzed – Hmm. Pretty good call there. Any risk of her bouncing if Trump really does something anti Arab (like expanding the travel ban)? She didn’t say anything the first time, of course.

bwerthrx – There is always that risk but given how far she has come given what he has done already my sense is that she is probably more ruthless pragmatist rather than ideologue. I see a survivor there.

jamesisntstout – I considered her.

dr.awesome – Yes. I was thinking that Dina may be good, but I am unsure if she’ll make it to the end. @bwerthrx and I are in the same time/space continuum.
She is a pragmatist, but the Trumpeter is also a pragmatist—or rather, the puppet masters of the Trumpeter are pragmatists, and they will throw a bone to their dogs and Dina is a juicy one.

pzed – Depends on which dogs come calling @dr.awesome . If he has to placate his base or triples down on white supremacism, then Powell overboard makes some sense. Probably not a bone to pitch overboard if it’s Mueller, though, as she hasn’t been connected to the Russia Story.

kate – For my round 2 pick, I’ll go with Tom Price.

pzed – Funny how his name has dropped out of the news since his replacement in GA-6 got elected. Yeah, most of the obvious ones are gone now. Decent choice.

kate – I checked out some historical numbers, and Secretaries of Health & Human Services tend to stick around awhile…. even looking at recent Republican presidents.

pzed – Nice idea – go by office.

kate – I thought about querying the source data on Wikidata, but I decided that would take longer in this instance than using a more manual method of scraping. However – TIL you can essentially query Wikipedia!

pzed

kate – To kick off the third round, I’ll choose Ryan Zinke.
Interior Secretaries also tend to stick around for awhile, he’s a more experienced politician than some of the others, and while there has been some controversy surrounding him (he’s in the Trump administration, after all), he doesn’t appear closely linked to the Russian scandal.

pzed – And he is definitely pushing on the Trump Agenda to drillbabydrill. High profile, but hasn’t been doing anything that even the most paranoid President would call “grandstanding”. I think.
He’s pissing off lots of people, sure, with the rollback of public lands, but those folks probably weren’t voting for Trump anyways, while the ranchers and loggers putting up signs that say “No Wilderness Expansion” will laud him for it.

bwerthrx – Oh, bold picks there!
I have some concerns about the optics of Tom Price as it relates to failure to address the opioid crisis and some personal issues with the NIH budget but I bet he will last anyway. Zinke i think is a bit too polarizing for my taste.
Ok, I have a few competing for this spot but I think I am going to go big for the first time and choose James “Mad Dog” Mattis.

pzed – He’s been gettin’ mouthy, too. But yeah, Trump clearly has a bit of a man-crush on the Generals.

bwerthrx – My sense is that Trump acknowledges his deficiencies only in the dimension of war and he has a huge amount of faith in the generals he has appointed. And while he has been mouthy lately, around transgendered troops this is nothing new and he contradicted trump from the begining regarding torture etc. I also feel that Mattis is honor/duty bound and will not quit.

pzed – That might be something that we’ve been undervaluing: stubbornness. I’m thinking Jeff Sessions, here. Most people would’ve bailed last month on their boss.

dr.awesome – Is Tom Price still available?

pzed – Nope. @kate nabbed him with the last pick in the second round.

dr.awesome – @kate good choice. I’ll take mick for two, Alex.

pzed- Mulvaney?

dr.awesome – Yass. He Mickie me sick. He is wielding his hatchet through the federal budget very effectively.
He will not resign because he is doing what he does best. The powers that all Squishy Beings are against are very happy with him. Also, the American Denizenry have little understanding of the OMB, so he will fly a bit under the radar due to his ability to wear a cloak of invisibility activated by public ignorance.

Mick Mulvaney
“Management.” Photo credit: Gage Skidmore.

pzed – It is indeed hard to get the torches and pitchforks out for something called the Office of Management and Budget. I get sleepy just typing the name.
Though I wonder if he’s going to stay under the radar for long, given the imminent fights over the debt ceiling, tax cuts, funding Trump’s border wall, and infrastructure. Oh, and the 2018 federal budget.

dr.awesome – Americans will not connect him with the actual deeds. Trumpeter will be doing all the talking and the Dementors in Congress will be in full effect.

bwerthrx – That is a bold choice @dr.awesome. I am concerned about him because he has been making news lately, namely confessing proudly how he duped the Don into proposing social security cuts. Should be exciting to see how the boy king responds.

dr.awesome – Thanks, @bwerthrx. I was going to send that to everyone. I am nothing if not BOLD.

kate – Wow, that is bold!

jamesisntstout – Ugh everyone left is a mess. Rosenstein disagreed on Charlottesvill; a few have ties to Russia and will be scapegoated.
I’ll go for Chris Wray. He hasn’t had long to make enemies.

dr.awesome – Chris is a good choice out of this sad array of public servants.

pzed – Wray also might have learned to keep his head down by this point.

bwerthrx – Yep, we are really starting to scrape the bottom of this barrel.

pzed – That’s what makes it interesting. The first round picks are easy. 4th round takes some skill. Trumpster Fire‘s up @rsharp.

rsharpAlexander Acosta – I didn’t even know there was a Secretary of Labor, that’s how good he is at staying out of the news. The only issue is he seems competent. He might have principles and resign.

pzed – Hah. Nice. I’m picking Wilbur Ross. Commerce Secretary. For the exact same reasons as @rsharp above. It’s also a department Trump needs to push if he’s going to claim he’s MAGAing. Mashing the ANONYMOUS button as hard as I can for this game.
From across the room, @kate just pointed out that she considered Ross, but steered away since he might actually get implicated in the whole Russia Scandal. That said, I think he’s pretty ironclad to stay on the Eagles Nest’s good side. And it’s the 3rd round, so all the obvious ones are already picked. I got a couple that I’m eyeing for next round, as long as Alex doesn’t take them both.

bwerthrx – Yeah I was eyeing Acosta. Ross seems reasonably safe but if the NAFTA renegotiation go sideways he could be vulnerable. The other concern I have about Ross is that he’s like 80 years old and could have to leave for health reasons.

pzed – One of the reasons he didn’t go earlier. He turns 80 just after Thanksgiving. As an aside, I can’t look at his picture and not think. “Commerce. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”


v

bwerthrx – Inconceivable!

cheetolini – Ok lemme look at the board.
I’ll take Shulkin and Coats.

bwerthrx – I think that would have been my move at this point as well.

pzed – I’ll grab Elaine Duke. Would’ve taken her earlier, but there is a slim chance Trump pisses off the Senate enough she doesn’t get confirmed.
I was also eyeing Shulkin and Coats @cheetolini.

rsharp – I’ll take Scott Pruitt next. He’s destroying the natural world at quite a good clip, so keeping the boss happy. He’s not mixed up with Russia. He is a lightning rod, but hopefully he’ll get the EPA sued instead of implicating himself teapot dome style. Was considering Cohn, but saw this red flag: Gary Cohn says he has a “great relationship” with President Trump. If the next statement is a press release from the white house that says he has the president’s full confidence, that’s the kiss of death.

pzed – Cohn saying he has a great relationship is like a sports GM saying he “has full confidence in the coach.”

jamesisntstout – F it . I’ll take Hope Hicks.
She won’t speak to the press and everyone else is trouble. Cohn will go when the trade posturing fails. Ok’ rosy is too close to Moscow, and Steve, well I can’t bring myself to ever say “I pick Steve Miller.”

pzed – @dr.awesome is next up in round 4.

dr.awesomeRobert Lighthizer, please. He will fly under the radar for a moment.

jamesisntstout – I considered him but the wsj is after him.

pzed – I would’ve probably have taken him next. Everyone’s got some warts at this point.
@bwerthrx will be next then @kate for a pair to take us into the final round. The last round will be dubbed The Danger Zone. 11 names remain. 9 of them will have to end up on someone’s team.

bwerthrx – Uh….Cohn is interesting to me but I can’t tell if he is stubborn enough to stick it out or if he will get fed up and resign. Honestly, Imma go for Bob Mueller. I think or hope that dismissal of Mueller will lead to impeachment so ….

dr.awesome – Oh yes!

pzed – Muelllleeeerrrrrr!

kate – Grrr… I was going to nab Mueller. This is TOUGH.

jamesisntstout – Mueller has the advantage of being a very high stakes dismissal.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller
Mueller is picked! Photo credit: Medill DC.

kate – Exactly.
For the last pick of the fourth round, I’m going with HR McMaster. He seems to be driven by duty to the US and tends to avoid the limelight.
And I’ll kick off the 5th & final round with some flair: Kellyanne Conway. Partially because I was SURE she was getting kicked out in February, and that didn’t happen. Makes me wonder how she’s managed to survive and why she puts up with it all.

pzed – CURSES. :shakes_fist: I was hoping his feud with Bannon was going to let McMaster drop to me for my last pick.

bwerthrx – Yeah, Kellyanne’s not a bad choice in my view.

kate – Conway is clearly a survivor.

pzed – Is she the one who actually has a dossier on Trump? Or are her survival instincts just that good?
Ok, on to @bwerthrx’s final pick, then @dr.awesome and @jamesisntstout

bwerthrx – This is really tough now… I think I’m going to go with Gary Cohn.
I know he has threatened to resign but he has also after charlotssville committed to being a Jew in the administration. No Russia taint, reasonably compentent. And some of fthese other characters, I don’t want to feel conflicted about wanting them to leave.

kate – Not feeling conflicted about them leaving is a great reason… Although, on the flip side, if I lose because Pence is out, I’ll be quite happy.

pzed – Cohn was on my kryptonite list. He’s been dropping major hints about only sticking around until tax reform is settled, either ways.

dr.awesome – You took all my picks. Alright, folks. This is truly the end times.
Stephen Miller. Ugh.

Stephen Miller
No Bannon? No problem! Photo credit: Gage Skidmore.

kate – :scream:

pzed – Wow. Thought he might go undrafted.

kate – Why Miller, @dr.awesome ?

dr.awesome – Oh, he’s gonna get axed. But I believe he may last longer than the other choices that were before me.

pzed – Fair point. Terrible choices left. @jamesisntstout is next

jamesisntstout – This is now getting gross. We are approaching the alge that feeds off the swamp’s most disgusting corner. Trump is slamming Sessions, Kelly is in for the short haul. Tillerson seems tempting but he has been vocal about Trump recently.
I’ll take Rod Rosenstein, he seems the least visibly critical.

pzed – Rosenstein and Sessioncrantz!
I am not pleased with any permutation of the 4 choices I’ll have to pick from.

rsharp – Gulp, sticking with the administrative wallpaper theme: Rex Tillerson. I’ll just have to hope that Russia catches up with others first, but at least he’s submissive enough to have half a chance with the big cheeto.

pzed – Oh man. Tillerson.

kate – I seriously considered Tillerson. The man sticks around, and even though he didn’t want the position, he took it out of duty. Apparently his wife said “I told you God’s not through with you.”

pzed – God does like to mess with his chosen ones…c.f. pretty much the entirety of the Old Testament.
Ok. For the Banana Republicans’ last pick, I’m going with the person who’s already survived 3 bosses leaving. The genius operartor who’s managed to Make Press Briefings Boring Again: Sarah Huckabee Sanders, I choose you.
In addition to having in the limelight without having pissed off the boss too badly so far, she’s also got an outside ally with some political pull (Daddy Mike) who also hasn’t butted heads with the Eagle’s Nest (unlike, say, Elaine Chao’s position) and thus is unlikely to be punitively axed as part of a feud with Mike Huckabee. If anyone can ride out this inherently volatile position, it’s her.
@cheetolini has the last pick. Alex, are you going double down on your Jarvanka?

cheetolini – Since these three picks are all utterly horrible, :random_number_generator: says….John Kelly, soon-to-be-ex-Chief-of-Staff.


The teams

And that’s a wrap! The final teams are listed below for all to see! Who’s going to be the last team standing?

Trump Administration Fantasy League
Team Name Team Owner 1 2 3 4 5 X X
Oh, heil NO! @kate Pence Price Zinke McMaster Conway
Teetotalitarian @bwerthrx Chao Powell Mattis Mueller Cohn
Proxymorons @dr.awesome & Kim Nguyen Clayton DeVos Mulvaney Lighthizer Miller Kushner Sessions
Trumpettes @jamesisntstout McMahon Haley Wray Hicks Rosenstein
Trumpster Fire @rsharp Pompeo Carson Acosta Pruitt Tillerson
Banana Republicans @pzed Perry Perdue Ross Duke Sanders
Putin on the Ritz @cheetolini Ivanka Mnuchin Shulkin Coats Kelly
Undrafted Kushner Sessions      

Updated results

2017-09-28 – Tom Price resigns! That means Oh, heil NO! is the first team to fall, just over 2 weeks in. That didn’t take long, and congrats to anyone who saw Price as a risky pick in the 2nd round, because none of us did (see transcript above).

2017-10-14 – The Proxymorons have brought on assistant manager Kim Nguyen and decided to adopt the homeless, lonely, undrafted leftovers: Jared Kushner & Jeff Sessions. How generous of them. And risky, given what can happen to teams that voluntarily take on toxic assets (see: sub-prime mortgage crisis). Best of luck to them! Table updated.

2018-02-23 – After teases with Tillerson, Wilbur Ross, John Kelly, Jeff Sessions, Jared Kushner, and Steve Shulkin, it’s Elaine Duke who’s the next to announce that she will step down after not getting the Homeland Security Secretary job (vacated by Kelly to take the Chief of Staff vacate by Priebus. It’s Trumpland). This takes out the Banana Republicans.

2018-02-28 – In a surprise move, seemingly-safe Hope Hicks announced she will depart the administration. This makes her the 5th Communications Director to leave the Trump White House, and will eliminate the Trumpettes.

2018-03-06 – Gary Cohn, take a seat! The Wall Street Wing of the Administration takes a major hit. After losing the battle to restrain Trump’s economic protectionism (with the new steel and aluminum tariff announcement), Cohn gives up the attempt to impose a Republican economic orthodoxy on the president. Thanks for playing, Teetotalitarians.

2018-03-13 – REXIT! In the most-rumored departure from the White House since before the draft started, Rex Tillerson is put out of his misery as Secretary of State, and will be replaced by Mike Pompeo. That eliminates Trumpster Fire.

2018-03-28 – We have a winner!!!! Trump has canned VA Secretary David Shulkin. Once one of the C-in-C’s favorites, Shulkin fell out of favor and was replaced with the White House physician, Navy Rear Adm. Ronny L. Jackson. You know, the guy who declared El Presidente to be in perfect health because “He has incredible genes. . . . He has incredibly good genes, and it’s just the way God made him.” That takes down Putin on the Ritz, awarding the coveted championship to….THE PROXYMORONS!


Whew! What a final sprint! For those of you keeping track, 1 team was eliminated within the first month….then crickets. Everyone else stayed in the game for an additional 5 months. Then….bedlam, with 5 teams eliminated in a span of 33 days.

The site would like to congratulate Dr. Valerie Hunt and Mr. Kim Nguyen for their winning entry. Fortune and Glory are theirs eternal.

About The Author

Richard is a Seattle area data scientist who builds predictive models and the services that deliver them. He earned a PhD in Applied and Computational Math from Princeton University, and left academia for the dark side of science (industry) in 2010, following his wife to the land of flannel. Fan of coffee, beer, backpacking and puns. Enjoys a day on the lake fishing, and, better, cooking up the catch for a crowd.

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